Dave Twentyman: My nuclear comedy explosion

Stand-up comedian Dave Twentyman
Stand-up comedian Dave Twentyman

It’s nice to be writing a column for the St Helens Reporter again. It’s been a few years. Nothing much has changed on my side of things.

I’m still travelling the length and breadth of the country, entertaining in the clubs. Some straightforward, some slightly unusual.

The place was packed though and they were all seemed happy enough. I mean, nobody’s hair was falling out or anything so I guess that’s a positive.

In fact, I did one very recently at a caravan holiday park that was right next door to a Nuclear Power Station.

You would think it might be difficult to convince people to part with a few hundred pounds to come and spend a few days next to a nuclear power station.

Personally, I would feel more comfortable in a caravan that was made entirely of lead and an inbuilt Geiger counter.

The place was packed though and they were all seemed happy enough. I mean, nobody’s hair was falling out or anything so I guess that’s a positive.

As a bloke who’s had a few British caravan holidays as a kid and as an adult, I’m honestly not trying to be snobby.

To be fair, it’s a pretty area with plenty of places to visit ... however, if you so happen to conceive a child there, don’t be surprised if nine months later your partner gives birth to a ninja turtle.

It’s too nippy to be going on British caravan holidays at this time of year. I’m not showing off (I am really) but I’m off to a beautiful little holiday camp right next door to Fukushima. Ha!

Actually I’m off to the Canaries again in a few weeks and I cannot wait.

We went to Lanzarote last year and really enjoyed it. On one of the days there, we went to Costa Teguise market on a coach trip.

On the way there, the tour guide lady with the microphone at the front of the coach was giving us tips and advice.

She said, “Right Gents, Costa Teguise market is full of pick pockets. So instead of keeping your wallet in your back pocket, get your partner to put it in her handbag”.

With brilliant timing, an elderly gentleman sat near me replied almost with a tone of resignation, “It’d be cheaper letting the thief have it”.

Cheers for reading!