Modern problems episode 345 - the plastic shelves I didn't order | Nicola Adam column
I have recently become the guardian of some self-assemble black plastic shelves of the sturdy variety, wrapped up in an inordinate amount of cardboard and plastic.
Putting the impact of this multi-layered object on the environment aside for now, and without questioning their doubtless usefulness, the main problem is - they’re not mine.
The box was handed over to my unquestioning partner by a friendly delivery man.
The former understandably just assumed I’d ordered it during lockdown - probably at about 2am while battling insomnia thanks to his snoring- and it was arriving an inordinate amount of time later.
He was partly right, I did lockdown order it randomly in a panic-induced midnight shopping session for our new house sort of- it’s just what I’d actually ordered was a gold-trimmed mirror.
Of course, doubting myself, I checked I hadn’t decided I needed black plastic shelves after a few gin and tonics.
You could fit many bottles of locally sourced organic booze on them. But no, my only outstanding order was said mirror. Despite their many virtues, these shelves fail as a substitute. For one they are not a mirror, I can’t see myself in them and they cost much less.
I know I should be grateful -at least I received something and this is a huge improvement to the time I ordered some expensive face cream which was delivered to my black bin on collection day and was last seen being chewed thoughtfully by the big iron teeth in the bin lorry - no doubt the lorry now looks more youthful.
I have contacted the mirror seller and am waiting patiently for a response, while battling the urge to unwrap the shelves and put them to use - I find suddenly I need some black shelves after all.
Now lockdown is eased, I could quite easily pop to a local shop and buy a nice mirror I can actually assess the quality of, rather than find out after three months wait it’s for a dolls house or made of papier mache.
But I’ll wait and let’s be honest, without the miracle face cream, I probably won’t like what I see in the mirror anyway, if it does arrive.
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