Dave Twentyman - I’m starting to feel my age

Dave Twentyman
Dave Twentyman

I DID a gig in Swansea last week and right after it finished, the venue turned into a nightclub.

I’m only in my early thirties but it felt like I needed a criminal records bureau just to be in there. They all seemed so young.

I was talked in to going to another bar. When I say ‘talked in to it’ to be honest it was the several bottles of beer and chasers that were doing the thinking for me.

Even the bouncers were young. He asked everyone around me for their ID apart from me. They probably thought I was Ofsted or something.

They’re not all the brightest of lads are they? I’ve become good friends with a few doorman over the years but I’ve met loads that you wouldn’t want in your quiz team.

Just because you can lift a car with your eyebrow it doesn’t mean you can’t be a bit more pleasant to people. There’s still too many of them who have to check their tattoos to recall what their own name is.

It was amusing watching the young lads trying to pull the girls. At that age, to me, pulling girls was like deep sea fishing (I don’t mean the smell).

I mean in the sense that you really wanted to catch one but when you did you had no idea what to do with them, especially the one’s with the sharp teeth.

After a few more drinks, the urge for a kebab kicked in. And before I knew it, I was laid on the hotel bed in my boxers, talking to my kebab. It was pitiful.

I DON’T know if anyone else noticed the story in the news about the MI6 agent who was found dead inside a sports bag.

I’ve been fascinated by it. It was again in the news last week when the coroner said there was no unlawful killing.

Really, do they really believe he just put himself in the bag? My instincts tell me that he was killed by a woman. There’s no way a bloke could pack a bag that well is there?

Thanks for reading!