Dave Twentyman - Freddie’s jungle disaster

Freddie Starr has had to withdraw from the jungle
Freddie Starr has had to withdraw from the jungle

I SEE Freddie Starr has been pulled out as a contestant for I’m A Celebrity.

I lost a lot of respect for him when he recently pulled out of a gig at the Theatre Royal as the dressing room wasn’t up to the standards for ‘someone like him’.

Yet he’s off to the Aussie jungle to eat koala bears testicles and get covered in cockroaches.

Whoever makes the sandwiches at the Theatre Royal must understandably be quite annoyed by that.

I don’t bother watching these programmes, they are mind numbing. However, if they swapped the Aussie jungle for the Bergies I might be interested.

I’d love to see them survive on there for a couple of weeks. “Contestants, for today’s challenge you’re going to slide down the banks of the Bergies on a sheet of cardboard”.

The bushtucker challenge would also be interesting. They could get them eating a three headed fish out the adjacent lake or the contents of Johnny Wellies’s pockets.

THE Olympic Torch is going to be coming through St Helens on it’s very long route to the London Olympic Games.

You should see the route they’re taking to get to London it’s very long winded. I can only assume when they were planning it that they got advice from a taxi driver who insisted “this is the quick way”.

It’s great how they are coming through our town and I’d like to suggest a few landmarks to go past.

The Stinky Brook (probably best leaving it till the afternoon as the gases coming off the brook in the morning might spark an explosion).

Liverpool Road near the post office just so you can smell the food cooking in Indian takeaway mmmmm. Genos on Duke Street. Pets Corner in Sherdley Park. Taylor Park lake. The 99p Store etc.

They are also going through Wigan too. I don’t recommend it to be honest, the Olympic Torch will probably end up in a Cash 4 Gold envelope by the time they got to the end of King Street.

They’ll have strangers stopping them in the street asking them “Cana hava laaaaaaaarrrrrttttt”, using the torch to light their cigs.