Dave Twentyman: BBQ madness and farewell Jammer

Dave Twentyman ... a fan of both James Graham and BBQs
Dave Twentyman ... a fan of both James Graham and BBQs

I WENT to my friend’s barbecue last Sunday. It was a nice change as we’re the one’s who normally host them. I was going to sit back, relax and drink some beer.

Unfortunately for me, my mate was a barbecue virgin, so I decided to stand by and make sure he cooked the meat properly.

There was no way I was going to risk playing an unwanted game of Russian roulette with my farts the day after.

It was interesting to step back and watch the chaos unfold. My mate trying to light the barbecue by setting a bag of coal alight whilst four blokes stood around it telepathically urging him to use fire lighters instead.

While he was just stood there supervising the flames. His poor missus, undoubtedly like many women up and down the country at barbecues, was the unsung hero, doing absolutely everything.

Yet when people were tucking into their burgers and sausages it was my mate who was taking all the plaudits.

I envisioned the exact same scenario happening in some back garden in Wigan. Probably that pie eater I was on talking about last week who thought he’d invented the padlock.

I bet he had his wife rollocking him because he’d forgot to buy a barbecue.

Hence another genius idea of him taking his George Foreman grill (that is mum won at bingo along with the deep fat fryer) outside and putting it on the extension lead. “Mmmm, I’m tellin thee, dip sum o’ that bread in drip tray it tastes lovely”.

I WAS absolutely gutted to hear that James Graham had signed for the Canterbury Bulldogs.

To his credit he’s handled it all superbly and he’ll leave with the Saints fans blessing.

As soon as it was mentioned on Sky Sports I hear the shares in Nivea Suncream shot up by 20 points. All the best Jammer!

Sticking with rugby league, I was amazed the Rugby Football League didn’t judge that Ryan Hoffman’s (the dirty pie) late challenge on Gary Wheeler wasn’t late.

What were they timing it with, a sundial? In the time from the ball leaving his boot and Hoffman flooring him, Wheeler could have brewed up.