Twentyman’s hilarious verdict on his beloved Saints

Nathan Brown changed scrum-halves last season more often than Jordon changes her men, says Saints fan and comedian Dave Twentyman
Nathan Brown changed scrum-halves last season more often than Jordon changes her men, says Saints fan and comedian Dave Twentyman
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What do glamour model Katie Price and Saints boss Nathan Brown have in common? Comic Dave Twentyman, a life-long Saints fan, delivers his off-beat verdict on the club’s chance of glory on the eve of the launch of the 2014 season.

The Super League season is back on the horizon again as St Helens put the final touches to their preparation on trying to win their sixth Super League title since the birth of summer rugby.

There was some rumour that there used to be rugby league pre 1996. Wigan fans mention it a lot. Mind you, they can harp on about their history as much as they want. The ancient Egyptians used to be at the forefront of architecture, yet I wouldn’t trust them with Lego at the minute.

For the Saints fans, 2013 season was as disappointing as the time they removed KES the wooden snake from the Hardshaw Centre. Some of them performances last season would have had Stevie Wonder covering his eyes.

There seemed to be some serious deficiencies in the team, particularly in the pack. I came across more physically dominant and intimidating women in Busby’s than the Saints pack of 2013.

The club looks to have addressed this with the signings of Masoe, Amor and Beaumont, which will only compliment the current crop of Walmsley, LMS, Laffranchi and co.

I’m particularly excited by the signing of Masoe. He will look a frightening prospect for the opposing pack. Apparently, he has a grizzly bear rug in his living room. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.

Another major issue during the 2013 season was the realisation that someone had yet again forgot to buy a scrum half. It happens. This meant that Nathan Brown had to keep swapping half backs as much as Katie Price swaps men.

Luke Walsh arrives with a huge reputation although he will have to step into the big shoes of Lomax, Wilkin, Wellens, O’Brien, Hohaia, Johnny Wellies and whoever else who might have played at number seven last season.

He will need time to settle in, of course, especially after he realises St Helens looks nothing like the photoshopped Narnia photos that chairman Eamonn McManus lured him over with.

All in all, personally I’m hugely looking forward to this season. I believe that if Saints can keep key players injury free, we can win the hub cap, Grand Final and Challenge Cup this season. Come on you Saints!