Dave Twentyman: Sports day is a great day

Jamaica's Usain Bolt reacts after winning the Men's 100m final at the Golden Spike Athletic meeting in Ostrava, Czech Republic, Tuesday, May 31, 2011. (AP Photo/Petr David Josek)
Jamaica's Usain Bolt reacts after winning the Men's 100m final at the Golden Spike Athletic meeting in Ostrava, Czech Republic, Tuesday, May 31, 2011. (AP Photo/Petr David Josek)
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LAST Tuesday was a big day in our house.

Not just because it was wheelie bin day, but because it was my daughters school sports day.

I tried to not make any reference to it in the days leading up to it as I didn’t want to put any pressure on.

After all, the high dosage of steroids I was putting into her protein shakes was making her a bit narky anyway, plus the DVD of Usain Bolt breaking the 100 metre and 200 metre World record at the Beijing summer Olympics on repeat instead of the usual CBeebies was getting a bit tiresome.

On the day, she finished second in the obstacle race and the bean bag race. She then won the flat race which made me incredibly proud and I decided I’d let her come back home.

Joking aside, the school did a fantastic job organising the sports day. All the kids and parents loved it and it was done in the perfect spirit.

AS a bloke I don’t think I’m alone with this, but there are a few things that I have never purchased.

Socks and underpants for starters. I’ve never had too. From birth to the age of 32 the fairies have always brought them to me.

While I’m on the subject I’ll also give a special mention to the magical fairy that bundles my socks for me, who seems to slacken off when I don’t do enough housework.

I can never recall ever buying soap or shampoo. I’ve somehow managed to get through life using the stuff I got for Christmas/birthdays combined with whatever is around the bath or shower that I’m in.

I won’t think anything of throwing one of them bath bombs in. I can almost hear the intake of breath from any ladies reading this. I’m not sure what the manufactures’ put in them but judging by ladies reactions I would guess at platinum or gold?

My missus knows what I’m like now and puts her stuff out of reach so I have to use the children’s soaps and shampoos instead.

I washed myself with ‘Sugarplum Cupcake Glitter Shower Gel’ the other day. I have to admit I smelled delicious but I was also looked like a glitter disco ball I was that twinkly.

I have recently started collecting all the complimentary bits they have in hotel bathrooms like the tiny bottles of soap, shampoos, shower caps...shower heads, taps etc

Speaking of hotels, some of these hotel showers are terrible. Getting the temperature right is like trying to crack a safe.

One slight movement to the left and it’s proper freezing, move it a millimetre over to the right and you risk ending up in a burns unit.