And with Gerrard's opener it looked like we was going to tonk the Yanks but with one scuffed harmless shot that all changed. Daniel Day-Lewis in the film 'My Left Foot' could have saved that with his head.

A whole nation as one must have thought, why couldn't John Terry have took a fancy to Robert Green's other half instead?

As usual, they played like a group of strangers thrown together at the last minute. No doubt a result of Capello's constant 'experimenting' with a side, right up to the last friendly game before the World Cup.

I was in Leeds on Thursday, compering a new night. There were so many interesting people in the small gathering of people that I hardly needed to do any material.

We had a lady who did acupuncture, which I'm not sure about if I'm honest. Hellraiser never looked happy with it.

We had doctors, oversea developers, we had a Swiss lady in, a Spanish lady, an American lady and get this, we even had a priest in...a proper one.

I told him how impressed I was with the biblical story about Jesus feeding the 5000 with two fish and five barley loafs.

He was very happy with this until I asked if he thought Jesus would be able to change a little boys dirty nappy with only four baby wipes, because in my mind I was equally proud of my achievement. I tried to win him back with a Jewish gag but I'd lost him by then.

Friday night, I was doing two gigs in Liverpool. Opening one and closing another. And I'm proud to say I slammed both of them.

I was with my mate Mike Wilkinson who was on the same bill, and we were supposed to be having a big night out with a few others and staying with a friend.

This didn't happen although we'd drank a fair bit straight after the gig. We all jumped in a taxi to go back to our friends with the compromise for not having a big night out being that there was a curry house near where he lived where we could all go.

When we got back to his, he passed me and Mike some money to pick him a kebab up, while he and the others went back to his house.

Anyway, this curry house turned out to be a scruffy little kebab shop. So we hailed down a taxi and used our friends kebab money to pay for it, and had a lovely meal in China town instead. He rang us up an hour later asking about his kebab. He wasn't too happy.

Saturday night, I was back in Liverpool. Doing just the one gig due to the football.

There was only a few in, and most of them were with a hen party. They proved to be a right pain in the backside. Constantly interrupting, texting, and even walking across the stage, much to the annoyance of the rest of the audience.

One of the girls got up to go to the toilet and fell over quite spectacularly.

Now I know it's not nice, and I'd normally be a gentleman about this, but they'd been a nightmare. I couldn't resist shouting out ''Cheat Fell Over'' & ''Its Heskey''! Everybody was laughing apart from the hen party who were very cross and were constantly saying ''It's not funny''. I couldn't stop laughing and said ''It is, love''.

Like I said, I know it might sound cruel but don't forget, these girls didn't care about spoiling the show for everyone else so to me, that was Karma in action...although if it had repaid them in full, a piano would have fell on her head.