I hardly do any physical exercises, and it's always embarrassing trying to catch my breath & not be sick...and then we get onto the pitch-hey, did you see what I did there?

You could stick a traffic cone or Jamie Carragher on the pitch & it would have more movement than me.

Literally an hour before I was due to put my shorts and old Saints shirt on, I got a call asking if I could do a last minute gig in Liverpool. Sorry lads.

I always compere at Baby Blue, but I was doing a set tonight. I still spent most of my time on stage bantering with the audience though.

I had the Friday night off. I was offered a gig but there was no way I was missing the England game. And so me and my mates sat in the Woodlands Pub watching the game.

I'd text them beforehand with an inspiring patriotic message that went something like, 'We don't play pretty football like the Argies & Brazilians...and defending a 1-0 lead is a concept as strange to us as drinking moderation ... but we will get in your faces & we will never give up, because we are England, Come On'!!

My friend texted back saying that he felt like ripping his shirt off & trashing the office after reading it. Anyway, after the game I said 'Forget what I said, we're going out'. I'm as fickle as the best of them.

After texting my wife several times that I wasn't going to go into town, that's where we ended up. Later on, I entered the house like a ninja assassin, making sure to tip toe upstairs and climb into bed without wafting the sheets, and at the same time, detect her breathing pattern to make sure she was still asleep.

It was a bit like one of them nature documentary's when the penguins carefully waddle past the lounging sea lions on the rocks.

I thought I'd managed it too, until she turned over sharply & gave me a right telling off.

Saturday, I travelled down to Oxford to do the Glee.

I parked up & got out the car, and Oxford was everything I expected it to be. Professor types riding around on old fashioned bikes in tweed jackets. Loads of floppy haired posh folk talking like the Royals, ''Ah yes, but then we had quiche and rode the horses *snort*''

I felt like Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man, reintroduced in to a overly civilised society. I could have caused a load of damage here & I don't think anyone could have stopped me.

The gig itself was an absolute joy. With Kevin Bridges, Mitch Benn & Shaunn Walsh all having a great time.