Some bloke in Wales managed to get 86mph out of his. They'll no doubt prove very popular in B&Q.

I do thinks it's brilliant, although you've got to wonder how it came about.

Not content with the luxury of being able to mow the grass, sat down. He wanted to get that little bit extra out of his machine.

I imagine he had many a late night, sat in his garage working on his lawnmower blow torching a boeing 747 engine to the back of it, whilst his missus sat in the house watching Coronation Street and Location Location Location on her own.

The British Airways talks were abandoned because activists stormed the building.

It made me chuckle,as it reminded me of the old joke about some animal rights activists breaking into a animal testing lab,and releasing all the animals.

Two rabbits escape,and find a lovely old barn, with warm hay, loads of veg to eat and lots of randy female rabbits hanging about.

After a few days,despite all the luxuries, one of the rabbits confesses that he misses the lab. "Why"? exclaimed the other rabbit. The first rabbit replies "Well...I'm dying for a cig".

Millions of pounds worth of paintings were stolen from a Paris Arts Museum. How do they sell them? Cash Converters would pay about £20 for them. And you can't exactly put them on Ebay.

I was gigging up around Newcastle on Wednesday at the Bridge Hotel.

Friday and Saturday night I was in the Hyena, known amongst many comics as a bear pit. Which is a little unfair although I wouldn't have argued with that on the Friday.

My job felt more like crowd control than being a funny man. Gags I knew were bankers any other night were getting little response.

Earlier that day, driving up, I stopped at Charnock Richard Services.

I was starving & ordered my Double Whopper meal. I was just waiting on my burger when the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate. I was gutted. Half the place could have been up in flames but I just wanted my burger. It even shows flames around a sizzling burger on the adverts.

It turned out there was a car on fire on the hard shoulder directly under the bridge.

A crowd gathered, as we watched the car slowly set ablaze. The crowd which was building up were clearly enjoying the drama.

The poor owner looked distraught as he watched his car burn. I had exactly the same facial expression staring at the reciept for a Whopper Meal in my hand.

I made up for it in Newcastle when I went for a Chinese buffet.

I was with fellow comic, Andy White. And I made sure to play it slowly. Smaller portions,cordial instead of Coke as that would have wasted vital stomach space. I was going to get more than my £7 worth.

What can I say, you can take the boy out of St Helens ... thanks for reading!